What, Exactly, Are We Waiting For?

Unsticking

Everything can be taken from us but one thing, the last of human freedoms: to choose one’s
attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way. Victor Frankl, MD

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Two men looked from the same prison bars.
One saw mud, the other, stars.

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How long will this last, this lockdown, limited access to places and people and things? Godot was on a fast track compared to this lingering Covid scenario. Wordplay with “the new Abnormal” or the “Abnormal normal” has grown stale. Hiatus. Dog days. Doldrums. Dead in the water. STUCK.

Being forced to be stationary has triggered my childish yearning for all that I could do if only: travel the world (even to other states), go on a spiritual retreat, even attend book fairs to sell my audiobook. I sulked, pouted, and felt held hostage. Then the irony of my attitude struck me: I didn’t properly utilize this freedom before 2020, stranded on my own island of uber-responsibility, hidden constraint of the unexamined impulse to stay put. I didn’t feel trapped because I could go if I really wanted. But these eight months have done a great job of revealing what I miss, and what I really want to do. Rather than concentrate on my restrictions, I’m beginning to sort through my options for all I CAN do. Lots to learn, skills to practice, crafts to make, ways to be a thoughtful friend without going off the property. Writing, certainly, doesn’t oblige me to sit in a café in Paris... rather distracting, to tell the truth. I’m beating the twins of stuckness--repression and resentment—by recognizing how much permission I have to pursue a multitude of goals and dreams. I’m so much freer than most of the world, with or without a pandemic.

This is the challenge before us all: we will use this time for expanding goodness for self and others, for growth, and to claim the freedoms that no one can take from us. This is the “bloom where we are planted” attitude. Moi? I’m writing more (and you, thank you, are reading some of it). I am building a new office, because there is a future where I will see clients in person, teach seminars, and provide space for support groups. I’m also learning: re-reading favorite authors and studying new ideas, practicing Spanish a bit (Spain awaits). Working on improved meditation skills and breathing helps restore my health and calm. I’ve begun to reach out to friends in faraway places by email and phone, along with a rediscovery of the joy of writing loving letters, thank you cards, and sympathy cards. The panoply of life in lockdown does not eliminate our ability to connect, enjoy others’ successes and share in their sorrows. I’m getting ready for future visits by deepening our connection in the moment.

 And I shall not regain the pounds I so carefully shed over a year ago. I will keep to my commitment for core strength. And I’ll keep deepening my mindfulness practice. I claim these baby steps without pressuring myself sign up for a PhD on line, nor train for a triathlon. I choose to feel more focused and hopeful. Whatever it takes, I refuse to feel stuck by circumstance. This has lifted my mood, allowed me to create limits for people who make me crazy and challenge the habits that “kill time” and undermine my energy.

Please don’t hide your light under a bushel: find the one or two things you’d like to fix, learn or improve, and get whatever support you require to keep to a new habit until it becomes a solid practice. Imagine what you will accomplish with a mere hour a day of dedicated time. Perhaps you’ve already cleaned your closets and shredded 10 years of tax records. Now, add on the creative and generous activities that increase self-confidence and the ability to share joy.

We have the choice to view this time as prison or chrysalis.

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