Who Are Your Bubble Buddies?
“Like a doting fairy Godmother, the universe is continually providing opportunities for us to gather glimpses of good. Some, like heart-shaped clouds, are fleeting, while others, such as the kindness of friends are more steadfast.” — Sue Patton Thoele
Strength: Meditations for wisdom, balance & power (2019 )
Does anyone else feel may have been dropped into TheWizard of Oz, with witches, flying monkeys and a fake wizard? As COVID19 closes in, relationships with trusted others become increasingly essential to emotional and physical well-being. Who shares worries about small things when future hopes are crashing down around our ears? Who do we turn to when sick or lonely or need a ride? I'm joyous to see so many people going deep into the woods with lions and tigers and bears, as long as they don't have to go alone. Certainly, the workers, caregivers, clerks and wonderful people who clean the handles of carts, doors and bathrooms are people I need and admire. But on a deeper, quiet personal level, we’re all scared, and this can trigger loneliness, self-doubt, and worry about, well, everything.
What can quell this angst? Tenderness based on trust. This comes about with conversations, playfulness, expressions of empathy and compassion, comfort-texting with distant friends and family, and what would we do without our beloved pets? Apparently cat videos cause us to feel more loving and hopeful, even in the face of terrible uncertainty. Babies need tenderness and acceptance from anyone around them, teens are famously susceptible to sacrifice for peer belonging, with little choice as to who their peers are. As adults, it’s a solace that we can be deliberate in choosing whom we spend our precarious social time. Honest, normal interaction with companions whom we trust, who make us laugh, share beauty, and send adorable pictures of inter-species animals getting along--these define our Bubble Buddies. Some reserve this term for those with whom they safely share airspace, but I am including anyone who texts, calls and emails, talking about what is really going on, and care about each other’s daily struggles of health, money, marriage and gophers eating their Victory Gardens.
With a backdrop of dystopia, connecting honestly with others has never been so important. This includes limiting discussions of toxic topics with a straight-up “Let’s not go there.” Learning to set boundaries of time, space, and topics means risking telling the truth about how we feel, and what we need in order to take a breath and relax. This includes the brand-new etiquette that is the very essence of tenderness and trust: Whoever requests the more careful standards of distance, time, masking and cleaning, sets the rules of the group.
Less social time has revealed something else: The opportunity to step away from previous social groups or the individuals who don’t respect or meet our needs. Old patterns of gathering, reaching out or responding “Sure, come over” is being challenged. Many are discovering a quiet joy in solitude, amazed how they are slowing down, deep cleaning their homes, growing food and flowers, just taking in nature and quiet. Turning off the news, napping, reading novels, and binge watching are no longer guilty pleasures, they are just, well, pleasureful. And our Bubble Buddies cheer us on and share new shows and podcasts.
Invitations to “Want to sit on my deck 6’ or 8’ or 10’ apart?” and “Let’s go for a walk with masks on” are precious, way beyond the level of Let’s do lunch sometime. These invites fill the gaps where “hair cut” and “teeth cleaning” once held sway. This opportunity to compare our frustrations as well as accomplishments is a lifeline. “I’d go mad without our Saturday afternoon deck events.” “My co-worker shops for me, I bake bread for her,” “I need two more friends to walk with,” are examples of high stakes connection. I played Scrabble the other night: in face shield and mask, alcohol wipes for fingers, and sitting outside. It was a blast (Sorry, buddy for BEQUEST on a double word, Q on double letter and a Bingo for 116 points).
So, who are your Bubble Buddies? The people who ask what you need to feel safe, wonder aloud how you really truly are doing, and are willing to take the overabundance of kale that erupted from between the beets, carrots and cilantro you remember planting. Are you willing to reach out to those who don’t have much support? A phone call to check on them, leaving a puzzle or bag of books? The biggest takeaway from all this, politics be damned, is that when we reach out to each other, send a card, not comment on self-cut hair, we create a healing sense of mutual connection and tenderness that heals us all. Let’s do this more often, safely, with gratitude for the importance of small moments of supporting and loving each other.
Now, where is Glinda when we need her!?
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