Are You Afraid of Success?
Photo by Casey Davis
Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans. That the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves, too. William H. Murray, first European to climb Everest
With the pandemic easing, we have time to consider what we missed doing, and to celebrate the freedom to actually work on improving life. What goal would you love to commit to? Losing Covid poundage, a major creative project, expanding your social circle, revitalizing or releasing stuck relationships? There are no more excuses, except the fear of failing and, maybe, the fear of succeeding.
In looking at a definition of success, we come up with triumph, victory, achievement, doing well, thriving, making progress. What’s to be afraid of? First, you might not make it all the way, only one can win most races. But what would a race be without everyone giving their all and admired for trying? We must acknowledge the possibility of failure to take the required risks in order to change our lives for the better. That is part of the fear we encounter when we consider going for any dream.
Even when we win, there is the risk of being rejected. The ultimate result of achievement includes being noticed by others. It is healthy and natural to desire acceptance, and achievement can do that for us. It’s odd, then, that we can be afraid of looking “too good” or implying we are better than others if we try hard, keep focused and want to achieve the small goals that lead to great things. And what if people expect us to do it again? We tap into the “imposter complex” when we dare to imagine ourselves being achievers, accomplishers. We’re not crazy: when we focus on success, we can leave behind those who are waiting for a distant tomorrow, afraid to leap today.
It is a requirement for real growth to claim the right to define success for ourselves. At one point, for me, anything less than perfect was failure, and this kept me from taking risks. I was only focused on how I appeared to others, craving their praise and acceptance. Then I knew I was okay. I feel tender toward that younger Self who needed an A+ just to feel that she hadn’t failed. Now? If I really try, I am a success in my own eyes. To live in avoidance of challenge? Not so.
The purpose of this quiz is to bring your feelings regarding success—about yourself and others—out of your mental closet. Unpack the shelves stuffed with childhood beliefs, and define success in your own terms. Then… pick a goal you are avoiding. Take one small step from the shadow of procrastination into the light of action. Trust me. You will embrace your progress regardless of the outcome.
This quiz was adapted from a questionnaire developed at Boston College and published in The Success-Fearing Personality by Donnah Canavan, Katherine Garner & Peter Bumpert. This gives an idea of your current definition of success.
Answer yes to the statements that apply to you. Scoring is at the end.
____ I feel guilty about my successes if friends are struggling.
____ I hesitate to share my luck or success so others won't envy me.
____ I have trouble saying NO.
____ Before getting to work on a project, I delay by doing unrelated tasks.
____ I often think that people put their needs first are selfish.
____ When someone I know succeeds, I often feel a failure in comparison.
____ I rarely have a problem concentrating for long periods of time.
____ When I ask others for help, I worry that I'm seen as a bother.
____ I often backdown from my opinion to avoid conflict.
____ When I've made a decision, I usually stick to it.
____ I hate losing: I over-analyze about how I'm doing: games aren’t fun.
____ When I want something too much, I am afraid I’ll be disappointed.
____ I can feel down after a task or project, rather than pride.
____ I use my own standards rather than compare my achievements to others.
____ When things seem to be going really well, I fear I'll self-sabotage or something outside of myself will ruin it.
SCORING: A little math puzzle to exercise the brain...
a. Add one point for every YES, except # 7, 10 & 14.
b. For 7, 10 & 14, subtract one point if you answered yes.
Under 5 points: means your relationship with success is balanced.
Between 5 & 10: you are at moderate risk for self-sabotaging behavior.
Between 10 and 15: your relationship with success is out of balance. Is the fear of failing, or lack of commitment to your goals holding you back from your dreams?
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