The reward for aligning with your deepest truth is nothing less than the gift of grace, the knowledge that you are doing what is right for you.

"We have two strategies for coping; the way of avoidance or the way of attention."
~ Marilyn Ferguson

There is a not-so-hidden responsibility in being a therapist or parent or boss or teacher or preacher. We’re supposed to walk our talk. My father told us the story of his squadron commander on a plane over the Pacific who would announce “Do as I say, not as I do!” as a joke. And then he didn’t, and he died. It made an impression on my dad, and on us. As I write this, I can see some permission given to talk smart and walk stupid. Or, more accurately, know better but deny the inevitable price to be paid for not doing it. One cost is a sense of hypocrisy and failing, closely followed by shame. The other is that we don’t get to the meaningful bits that make life extraordinary. When I foster courage in others’ areas of craving or avoidance, but get sloppy in my own realms of denial, I create a split within my Self. I stand at the crossroads, acting as if I weren’t ready-set-go to make my own best choice. It’s not about being perfect: the reward for aligning with your deepest truth is nothing less than the gift of grace, the knowledge that you are doing what is right for you.

We all have felt the side effects of knowing full well what to do, and then… not. When we end up doing myriad non-essential tasks, we undermine greater joy in accomplishment. I study the habits and routines of heroes who are peaceful, creative, and successful. It is hardly daunting: drinking green tea, meditating a bit in nature, journaling gratitude, seeking friends and mentors who are good models, keeping away from the phone for a couple hours at a time, choosing one priority at a time. And thus are able to dissolve into creative flow. When first introduced to this list, I could see little time for eating and sleeping, let alone working, writing, and doing jigsaw puzzles. The surprise in my actual doing of them is that I have more time. It’s like magic for me to work from priority. Mark Twain described it thus: “If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And if it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.” Weighing my frogs pushes me to clear my desk and organize my sock drawer as chaos-prevention measures. Even even getting small frogs our of the way counts.

In looking at any long list of “to do’s,” we can ask the Wise Brain to determine what action, or inaction, is needed most, right now. In his book essentialism, Greg McKeown said that until the 1900s the word “priority” was always singular, meaning “what comes first.” Priorities is oxymoronic! McKeown writes “Illogically, we reasoned that by changing the word we could bend reality.” That is SO me. The mistake I and a few million others make every day is to forget to prioritize, leaving us cursed with multiples of “must come firsts,” springing the trap of multi-tasking (Don’t wince! I’ve made a deal with the Goddesses to get away with dual tasking sometimes as a compromise).

There is a deep sense within all of us that knows which path to take. But to access it, we need a little time to connect with that sense, inviting alignment of self with Self, using insuiry that encourages and entices, rather than assumes or coerces. If I choose to listen to my impulses and cravings, I forgo the bliss, calm, and joy that comes from doing the juiciest things. This isn’t intuitive: the impulse is to leap on immediate tasks, and just keep moving as fast as we can, getting lots of things done. But this distracts us from going big, deep, and wise. The danger is we take the wrong road. The “one true question” for determining which path to take? Sit quietly, take three sweet breaths, then calmly ask the Universe out loud, “What is the best use of my time and energy, right now?” Then listen without resistance, and do it. Ofttimes for me the answer is REST, WATER THE BERRIES, or PLAY. Others, it is clean your desk, outline the next chapter, or make that Big Frog phone call. The voice has sounded at times much like a wise and frustrated mommy. I commit to doing it before I ask, and it’s provided that gift of grace.

Over the years, with teachers and contemplation, I’ve found a small list of helpful questions. Please understand: they are only meant to get you ready for the “one true question.” I stop, sit, turn off phone, and ask some variation on these themes. Using a kind inner voice, as if talking with a dear friend who is struggling or tired, is essential to the process. And excellent practice overall.

❀ Would NOW be a good time to sit for five breaths?

❀ What is the biggest frog in my day?

❀ When will I schedule a small walk, or weed pulling session? (15 minutes can make brain and garden much tidier.)

❀ How much water have I imbibed today? Enough?

❀ Is there someone I am missing? (Reach out. Even a text connects.)

❀ What dream shall I explore with one small bite in order to build a life I long for?

❀ How DO I feel about my sock drawer?

The ultimate lesson in all of this is that YOU get to decide what is the next essential step for you. Today. Make that list of frogs and longings, and you’ll find a deeper sense of trusting yourself to take the correct path.

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Walking My Talking