Handling Uncertainty

1 march 2021

WIBN PRESENTATION — CYNTHIA WALL, LCSW

What a bizarre mixture of out of control events we’ve gone through this past year! The losses of people, places, habits, friendships and family patterns have driven us to on-line life to a degree we all know is unhealthy. More significantly, they have undermined a sense of safety and sameness that our brains and bodies crave in order to keep hopeful, and to move forward despite it all. Each change, even positive ones that demand us to live differently, creates STRESS. Any loss, including a sense of dread of what could be coming, will create a sense of missing, failure, even panic. It affects our lives, health and business.

The purpose of this article is to focus on what helps us get past “treading water and waiting for the boat to arrive.” We are not helpless, we can start swimming, if we only know which direction to head. This means we must refocus, instead, on what we can do, and seek the support, tricks and techniques to get us to shore. The reason we need these tricks, our brains react in ways that make us feel overwhelmed and afraid to act.

 

  • BRAIN FREEZE/FEAR TO ACT

The brain is better at predicting, as in guessing, than it is an accurate accountant of what is really happening. It’s why we lose our phone twenty times a day: it’s so busy moving to the next task, anticipating what we need to do, it can’t keep track of where we actually are in space and time. The subconscious response is to feel “stuck,” unable to recognize what is actually before us, afraid to act lest we make things worse.

  • WORRY

Awfulizing, dreaming of worst-case scenarios, is the first line of defense when facing an uncertain outcome. This is the instinct of “negativity bias,” a mechanism to help us cope when life moves from comfort to challenge. The brain is rewarded by worrying! If we actively think of negative possibilities, we receive a hit of dopamine, and it reinforces the desire to worry more. YES: we are addicted to worry. How does this relate to a sense of powerlessness and loss during these difficult times? We are a living mass of stress chemicals as we bounce around amid bad news, horrific politics, and personal worries and losses. We must avoid manufacturing more stress than is already ladled out. Worry and negative anticipation are automatic, and the antidote is to plan and act.

  • DISTRACTION

We’ve come, as a collective culture, to believe that we all have some form of ADD. In fact, it is how our brains work best to keep us alive: we are geared to avoid danger, so sudden change of any kind—visual, physical, auditory, even a thought—will be given top billing in the hierarchy of our attention. Staying on track means ignoring distractions, which is not an automatic process for our brains. To work from beginning to end on any plan or project (even cleaning the kitchen) is a challenge. When we pay attention to one thing, we must ignore everything else. Every single action we take — calling a friend, cleaning off a surface, or scrolling through our phones — is a transaction. We are taking what precious little attention we have and, if not careful, diverting it toward a lower priority.  Ask your Higher Self, God, or your to do list “What is the best use of my time and attention right now?” And then do it!  TURN OFF RINGERS ON YOUR DEVICES WHEN TRYING TO FOCUS AND COMPLETE ANY TASK.

  • RESISTANCE

Resistance is internal defiance of our own best intentions. It is one of the most powerful forces in the Universe, and is the automatic response to change and loss. If you’ve ever had a great idea, impulse to do the right thing (write a blog, do 10 squats, create ONE place to put your keys/phone, clean out a junk drawer) and then found yourself avoiding or forgetting to do it, you’ve met resistance. This is your worst enemy and constant companion, and challenging it is akin to negotiating with a terrorist. It can be done.

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So, that’s the bad news. The good? Even though coping/dealing/moving through loss and resistance is not easy, it is simple. There are plans and actions that you can take in minutes a day that will turn your fears into possibilities, and dreams into action. Who am I to be addressing this? One who has the wisdom to “TEACH what she most needs to LEARN.” 

The 18 months beginning in July of 2019 through the Inauguration in 2021 have been the most difficult of my 72 years. Health, building project, key relationships morphing, and oh, yeah, COVID, became a constant source of uncertainty. I tried on a few attitudes: DESPAIR, DENIAL, SELF-PITY, MORE DENIAL, and worried I was too sick to act. (These are key elements used by RESISTANCE, by the way.) They didn’t fit.  In order to deal, I sought out new teachers and revisited some of my old favorites. 

I want to share the techniques and experiments that got me back on a track I’d been derailed from. Specifically, I had to keep stepping out of the STRESS RESPONSE. And that meant getting redirecting my attention to what mattered most: financial success, health, giving and receiving love, and living “on purpose.” 

 

ACTIONS: These are all neuroscience GOLD

  • Stress level check in: “From 0 to 12, how tense/stressed am I right now? Can you lower it?” Breathe.

  • Turn off your devices, leave them charging in a safe place, or at turn off ringer whenever you can, which is far more often than you do, I would guess (1 finger pointing at you, four back at me).

  • Daily five-minute journaling: list at least three items in each category, (+) GRATITUDEs, (-) UNWANTED EXPERIENCES/PROBLEMS, and (!) TO DO TODAY.

  • Daily walk/stretch, even 10 minutes, NO MATTER WHAT. Do squats while waiting for microwave.

  • Sneak in brief meditation, if you can’t manage 15 minutes, five breaths can bring peace of mind.

  • Walk while talking on the phone: friends, family, even clients, appreciate that I was taking care of myself, and many joined me on the other end.

  • REST is my biggest challenge. I’m an avowed “busyholic”; this is my fight reaction to stress response. I learned the importance of simply sitting down between tasks in another room.

  • Saying “No, thank you” and moving away quickly from tasks that are not mine. Refusal skills are not just for kids accosted by strangers. They also safeguard our time to FOCUS and ACHIEVE.

 

TOOLS AND TEACHERS:  I’ve included some links below.  Amazon allows you to “look inside” then you can order a book from the library or local bookstores if you think it will help. Each one lifted me higher. 

 

I’m available if people want to consult about their business during this time, on specific issues. I love working with people in business who want to overcome their limited thinking, old patterns and ways of behaving. You CAN do this!

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Click here to purchase my book, the courage to trust.

Click here to purchase the audiobook of the courage to trust.

Click here to order my 90-minute audio file, embracing true prosperity.