Rank 0 (not me!) to 5 (stop reading my journal)


____     I get anxious if someone is late or doesn’t show. I can’t relax until I know what’s up.
____     I can’t say “no” if someone wants my help, even if I have other priorities and they’d be okay.
____     I’m always apologizing. Then I apologize for apologizing so much.
____     I include the receipt with the gift so they don’t have to feel bad about not liking it.
____     I’m uncomfortable if people see my home, especially if I’ve not had time to clear clutter.
____     I often awaken feeling anxious. This can last all day, and I don’t always know why.
____     I review interactions, searching for how I might have been insensitive or seemed stupid.
____     I feel like a frightened child when anyone is angry with me, even clerks or other drivers.
____     I’m a doormat. I always do more than my share. I smile, but secretly I’m resentful.
____     I can’t seem to find time for myself. When I do, I often feel tired and want to eat or drink.
____     I don’t think much of my skills, or intelligence.
____     I admire others’ efforts more than my own.
____     I worry about being selfish. This stops me from scheduling alone time or fun things to do.
____     I hate to ask for help or to bother people. I should be able to do more on my own.         
____     Compliments make me uncomfortable. I minimize my part or credit others when praised.

Scoring: We’re trying to find unhealthy guilt and enmeshment. The need to be needed, or the fear of being rejected if you don’t sacrifice yourself, clouds the ability to tend to one’s own needs.

0-10       Remarkably calm and unaware of others’ problems. Maybe a little too…
11-25     Congratulations. How do you make this balance possible?
26-40     Ask yourself if you can reduce the “automatic” response to other’s requests.
41+        You're over the top, responsibly. Join a big, unhappy club.